I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
