im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
