I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His nipple licking is glorious
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
