Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
