You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
