When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
