there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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