why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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