My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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