if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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