Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
