FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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