Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
