Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
