Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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