and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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