If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
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8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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