I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
