I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
