Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
