Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So apparently I’m into choking now
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