ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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