I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
