I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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