I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
