we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
