Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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