If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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