So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
