I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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