piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
