All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
two words...techno handjob
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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