worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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