Sponge bath it is.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
