party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I understand Curling. That high.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
