Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
