Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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