How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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