Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My penis needs a shock collar
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.