Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
