I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do