just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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