I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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