I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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