After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
