You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
