the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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