I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
