You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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