I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
