I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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