Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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