I'm going to jail i love you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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