I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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