My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
