Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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