I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
