Nicole vs. Life
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
