yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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