i don't like sucking hair
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
