If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
