I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
