it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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