Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
