I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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