oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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