dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
