Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
