One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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