we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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