if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize