I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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