I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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