After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
