someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
