You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
