I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
