And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
