how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
