Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
