I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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