JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
