i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
