There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
