he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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