ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
