Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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