dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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