very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
love makes seman taste better
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
