Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
