I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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