i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We left an ass print on the piano.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
