OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
