He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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